NEW YORK CITY — Panic broke out yesterday when a massive monster made of paper receipts stormed through Manhattan. Witnesses quickly named it Receiptzilla.
“Bystanders say it rose from a shoebox full of old receipts under an office desk,” reported one shaken resident. “At first it looked like recycling pickup. Then it screamed ‘SUBTOTAL’ and knocked over a taxi.”
Streets are buried in restaurant bills. Bridges are wrapped in thermal paper. A dark cloud of fading ink now hangs over Times Square.
Firefighters tried to burn the beast, but the flames went out when soaked by thousands of coffee-stained receipts.
Experts say the real problem is outdated bookkeeping. Businesses still stuffing receipts into shoeboxes and uploading them into Excel are feeding the monster.
“SparkReceipt could stop creatures like this before they are born,” said Dr. Henry Ledger of the Federal Bureau of Financial Disasters.
